Marks Just Jokes | Solution To TSA Pat Downs And Profiling

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports: ( Well, maybe some of the controversy)

Have booths that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your body.

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling, plus this method would eliminate long and expensive trials. Justice would be quick and swift.

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now. You're in the Airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.

Shortly thereafter these announcements come over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers. We now have a seat available on flight number 4665 ...”
and
“Paging maintenance. Shop Vac needed in booth number 4."

Simple solutions brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes | Quickie In The Bushes

Quickie in the Bushes

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing..

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'


AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

This Quickie In The Bushes Humor is brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes | Party Crashers At The White House

Remember the couple who sneaked into the White House with no credentials?

They're still there!

A little humor about the usurper and his beast brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes | Quotes from 1955 Pt.3

In 1955 it was common for the following to be heard on the streets of America


'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.'

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.'

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.'

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Government.'

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.'

'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.'

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it!'

Humor and thought brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Quotes From 1955

Marks Just Jokes | Sayings From 1955 Pt.2

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the Movies anymore, ever since they Let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, It seems every new movie has Either HELL or DAMN in it.'

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .'

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.'

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'

Marks Just Jokes Sayings From 1955

Marks Just Jokes | Quotes from 1955 Pt.1

Comments made in the Year 1955! That's only 55 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.'

'If cigarettes keep going up in Price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents A pack is ridiculous.'

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.'

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.'

Marks Just Jokes Quotes From 1955

Marks Just Jokes | The Most Useful Word In The English Language

WHAT IS THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD?

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...

Well, it's shit... That's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shinola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,

And some days are just plain shitty..

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes your breath smells like shit

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day without a bunch of shit..
But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........

Well, Shit Happens!!!

HOPE YOUR SHITTY DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

Marks Just Jokes | Robot Bartender And Obama Voters

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,
"What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology
The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR,

Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini,"

and the robot bartender brings him another great martini.
The robot bartender then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot bartender leans in real close and says,
"So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

More Obama humor brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes | Banks Piss Off Seniors

86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medicalhistory must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.


#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old People mad.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

Senior humor brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes | Want Bigger Boobs!?

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr Smith advised her "Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, Scooby doobie
doobies, I want bigger boobies!"

She did this faithfully for several months! To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'

'Yes I am.. How did you know?'

He winked and whispered, " Hickory dickory dock..."

Marks Just Jokes - The Newlyweds and Tiger Woods

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, 'I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin.'

The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'

The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'

'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'

'Tiger Woods.'

'Tiger Woods the golfer?'

'Yeah.'

'Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.'

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

'What are you doing?' asks his wife.

The husband says, 'I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.'

'Tiger wouldn't do that!' she claims.

'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'

'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

'What are you doing?' she asks.

The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.'

'Tiger wouldn't do that,' again she claims.

'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'

'He'd come back to bed and do it a third time.'

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'

'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!'


More Tiger Woods Jokes Brought To You By Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Rest Assured Button

Rest Assured No One Give A Shit What You Think
Politically Incorrect Buttons Brought To You By Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Fast Cheap and Easy Button

If We Are What We Eat Then I'm Fast, Cheap & Easy

This funny button brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Aren't We A Ray Of Sunshine Button

Well, Aren't We Just A Ray Of Fucking Sunshine

Buttons of Joy you may not want to wear to the office tomorrow brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Murder At Wal-Mart

MURDER AT WAL-MART

I read in the paper the other day, tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor.

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'

Marks Just Jokes - The Rabbi

The Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave.

Sol Epstein, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up and proclaims, "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor stands and says, "If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause.

Finally, Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces, "If the Rabbi stays, I vill give him sex!"

Total silence.

The Rabbi, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband, Jacob, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies, "Vell, I just mentioned to mein husband how nice it is that others were helping the Rabbi, and asked vat ve could do to help.

He said, "Fuck the Rabbi..."

Marks Just Jokes - :Picking Lemons

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chrysler's, and I voted for Obama.

How’s that for picking Lemons

Obama humor brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Just Fred

JUST FRED

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson.

I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing

Just great humor brought to you by Marks JUST JOKES

Marks Just Jokes On Tiger Woods And Blondes

In a survey conducted earlier this week, 1,000 American blondes were asked if they would sleep with Tiger Woods.

89 per cent said: "Never again."

More Tiger Woods Humor Brought To You By Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes - Two Business Men And Thier Assholes

Two businessmen in were sitting down for a break in their soon to be new store, as yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior gentleman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft accent asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Senior humor brought to you by Marks JUST JOKES

Marks Just Jokes Asks "Tired of Political Correction?"

CONSIDER THIS

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ...

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE'

More Political Incorrectness brouth to you by Marks JUST JOKES.

Marks Just Jokes Questions That Make You Wonder

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Questions That Make You Wonder Brought To By Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes Government Genie

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase..

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy, ' says the genie. 'You know-how I work....You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this, 'said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie

' 'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a 'goner' anyway!', the genie asks.

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

'OK! , I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen , And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare Gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says...... 'I wish that no Matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

'If the government offers to help you , there's going to be a string attached."


More Hate Obama Socialism humor brought to you by Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes Christmas Ornaments Hang Obama

I went to Walmart and saw they had Obama Christmas ornaments... now ain't that a bitch?
Suddenly it's okay to hang a black man from a tree again.

I guess History does repeat itself HUH!

Marks Just Jokes Ralph and Edna - An Unstable Love Affair

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When sh e went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!

Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes, President Reagan, Nancy Reagan, John Hinckley, Jodie Foster, and Obama

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.

Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated.

Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

* *To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

Marks Just Jokes

Marks Just Jokes, You May Be A Taliban If...Revised

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes..

3. You have more wives than teeth..

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

11. Your cousin is president of the United States!

That's right, this political humor is brought to you by Marks Just Jokes