Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Guns kill people the same way spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.
Guns kill people the same way spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.
A Texas Girls Way To Get Rid Of Illegal Mexicans And Terrorist Camel Jockeys
This is one way to get rid of the Illegals and the Camel Jocks
DRINKING WITH A TEXAS GIRL.
A MEXICAN, AN IRAQI, AND A TEXAS GIRL ARE IN THE SAME BAR. WHEN THE MEXICAN FINISHES HIS BEER, HE THROWS HIS GLASS IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS PISTOL, AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES. HE SAYS, "IN MEXICO OUR GLASSES ARE SO CHEAP WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONE TWICE."
OMAR , THE IRAQI, OBVIOUSLY IMPRESSED BY THIS, DRINKS HIS BEER, THROWS THE GLASS INTO THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS AK-47, AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES. HE SAYS, " IN IRAQ, WE HAVE SO MUCH SAND TO MAKE GLASSES THAT WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONE TWICE EITHER."
THE GIRL FROM TEXAS, COOL AS A CUCUMBER, PICKS UP HER BEER, DOWNS IT IN ONE GULP, THROWS THE GLASS INTO THE AIR, WHIPS OUT HER .45 AND SHOOTS THE MEXICAN AND THE IRAQI. WHILE CATCHING HER GLASS, SETTING IT ON THE BAR, AND CALLING FOR A REFILL, SHE SAYS, "IN TEXAS, WE HAVE SO MANY ILLEGAL ALIENS THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONES TWICE."
GOD BLESS TEXAS.......YeeHaw!! Not Allah Bless Texas, Obama...Get it!?
IN GOD WE TRUST
DRINKING WITH A TEXAS GIRL.
A MEXICAN, AN IRAQI, AND A TEXAS GIRL ARE IN THE SAME BAR. WHEN THE MEXICAN FINISHES HIS BEER, HE THROWS HIS GLASS IN THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS PISTOL, AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES. HE SAYS, "IN MEXICO OUR GLASSES ARE SO CHEAP WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONE TWICE."
OMAR , THE IRAQI, OBVIOUSLY IMPRESSED BY THIS, DRINKS HIS BEER, THROWS THE GLASS INTO THE AIR, PULLS OUT HIS AK-47, AND SHOOTS THE GLASS TO PIECES. HE SAYS, " IN IRAQ, WE HAVE SO MUCH SAND TO MAKE GLASSES THAT WE DON'T NEED TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONE TWICE EITHER."
THE GIRL FROM TEXAS, COOL AS A CUCUMBER, PICKS UP HER BEER, DOWNS IT IN ONE GULP, THROWS THE GLASS INTO THE AIR, WHIPS OUT HER .45 AND SHOOTS THE MEXICAN AND THE IRAQI. WHILE CATCHING HER GLASS, SETTING IT ON THE BAR, AND CALLING FOR A REFILL, SHE SAYS, "IN TEXAS, WE HAVE SO MANY ILLEGAL ALIENS THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO DRINK WITH THE SAME ONES TWICE."
GOD BLESS TEXAS.......YeeHaw!! Not Allah Bless Texas, Obama...Get it!?
IN GOD WE TRUST
Never Trust a Barber That Makes You Wait
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop andasked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customer and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours.."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said,"About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
The barber looked around the shop full of customer and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours.."
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said,"About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Marks Jokes to Offend Everyone
Jokes that offend all
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Italian Grandfathers
Why Italian Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.
" Elio, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Time's Up'?"
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.
" Elio, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Time's Up'?"
Friday, June 12, 2009
Lucky To Have A Job During The Obamination No Matter How Bad
Lucky To Have A Job During The Obamination No Matter How Bad
Like he had a choice after Obama lied to the American Public and pressured congress to pass legislation to buy the moon.
Customer Service Returns To America No More India Call Centers
Cowstomer Service American Style. Boy This Would Really Piss Off Citizens of India.
Wouldn't this just piss of India?
Cow, "Hi, Tech support? This is a cow. I'd like to report a Farmer In The Dell"
India Customer Service Person, "This is Machmuhajadjubudu. You said you were a cow? Fuck the Farmer. Bless You. I'll be right Over to remove your sacriligioius farmer from your computer. Praise be the cow."
Cow, "For Christ's sake, can't anyone speak English at one of these call centers? Hey, pig can you help me remove my spots? Someone may mistake me for someone from India even though these are spots, not dots"
Wouldn't this just piss of India?
Cow, "Hi, Tech support? This is a cow. I'd like to report a Farmer In The Dell"
India Customer Service Person, "This is Machmuhajadjubudu. You said you were a cow? Fuck the Farmer. Bless You. I'll be right Over to remove your sacriligioius farmer from your computer. Praise be the cow."
Cow, "For Christ's sake, can't anyone speak English at one of these call centers? Hey, pig can you help me remove my spots? Someone may mistake me for someone from India even though these are spots, not dots"
Perpetual Motion Lawn Mower Ends Illegal Immigrants Issue
Lawn Mower Runs On Cow Dung Ends Illegal Immigrants Problem
Cow Poops Into Poop Powered Mower
Mower Feeds Cow
Cow Poops Again
Mower Runs Forever.
Guess What?!
No More Need For Illegal Mexicans To Mow Your Grass
No More Illegal Immigrants?!
Oh! We just heard from Al Gore and other Faggots...Cow Poop and it's associated Hot Gasses cause Global Warming.
Hello! Who cares except for Homosexuals and Democrats...Huh?! Aren't they one in the same?
Cow Mounts Mower
Cow Poops Into Poop Powered Mower
Mower Feeds Cow
Cow Poops Again
Mower Runs Forever.
Guess What?!
No More Need For Illegal Mexicans To Mow Your Grass
No More Illegal Immigrants?!
Oh! We just heard from Al Gore and other Faggots...Cow Poop and it's associated Hot Gasses cause Global Warming.
Hello! Who cares except for Homosexuals and Democrats...Huh?! Aren't they one in the same?
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