Friday, July 3, 2009
More BS From The EPA and the Obama Failure Machine
More Bull Shit From The EPA and the Obama Failure Machine
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wives Suck From Marks Just Jokes
You Heard it here...Wives Suck!
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
-Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Sigmund Freud
'
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
- Anonymous
'
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
-Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
-James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it
2. Whenever you're right, shut your mouth.
- Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
-Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
-Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
-Anonymous
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-David Bissonette
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Sacha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Anonymous
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
-Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Sigmund Freud
'
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
- Anonymous
'
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
-Sam Kinison
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
-James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it
2. Whenever you're right, shut your mouth.
- Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
-Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
-Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
-Anonymous
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Mississippi Rednecks On The Cutting Edge Of Technology
Mississippi at Cutting Edge
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they concluded that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, 'The Redneck Rebel Gazette' in Pontotoc, Mississippi, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field near Black Zion, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Mississippi had already gone Wireless.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they concluded that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, 'The Redneck Rebel Gazette' in Pontotoc, Mississippi, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field near Black Zion, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Mississippi had already gone Wireless.
Yearly Dementia Test
Your Yearly Dementia Test
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread..' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else
Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why the hell are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .)
Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany andWest Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land'?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus fromLondon to
Milford Haven in Wales .. In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. InSwansea, three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread..' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else
Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why the hell are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .)
Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany andWest Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land'?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus fromLondon to
Milford Haven in Wales .. In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. InSwansea, three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
GOD, Harleys and Women
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required, reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is difficult for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly h elp mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment. Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required, reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is difficult for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly h elp mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment. Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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